As a general rule, if your two-year-old can sing along to at least three Beatles songs and not to a single one by Justin Bieber, One Direction or Miley Cyrus, then Parenting, you’re dong it right.
- To the son of a bitch that stole my toy gun when I was 7 and I was walking through the market with my mom. I hope your criminal record continued to grow and now you’re rotting in some jail cell where Paco rides you every night.
- To the idiot that decided liver was food. I wish you a lifetime of nausea.
- To that doctor that went ahead and cast my leg even though no bones were broken. I trust you’ve recently been diagnosed with some sort of terminal disease which makes your rectum burn.
- To my ex-boss whose idea of feedback was to say “you’re not really a good writer.” I took your job and have published more than 30 articles, some of which have been referenced by the New York Times, NBC and EL PAIS. What are you up to these days?
- To that girl who said she wouldn’t be my girlfriend and is now married to that old, fat fart. So there you go.
- To my friend’s mother who wouldn’t let me in her house because I wasn’t a Catholic. Hey, at least I’m not raping little children like the leader of that Order you belong too.
- To people who play reggaeton. Why do you make us suffer?
That’s all I have to say about that.
Post inspired by Life in the boomer lane
As a general rule, kids in a birthday party should be allowed to take their shot at the piñata only once. I don’t care if your 11-year-old is a little wimp who will never be able to bust it open. He had his chance, he swung like a girl, he can now go play on the seesaw for the rest of the evening.
Believe me lady, it doesn’t do the kid any good for his mom to expose him in front of everybody as the loser who needs to take two stabs at it.
Oh yeah, and stop it with that “let’s all share the candy among everyone” crap. Kids need to learn resilience. If they were not able to scoop up a handsome loot, they should not be rewarded for it. I bet you they’ll be better motivated to grab a lollipop next time. And THAT teaches kids agility, sense of urgency, pride, etc.
That’s all for now.
The fact that you are 3 years old does not excuse you. You were doing great by being a little bitch about wanting to go in the car, but your dad just owned you in the dumbest way. Go home and cry to momma.