Dear John Lennon…

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Dear John Lennon,

So things have drastically changed since you were roaming around the streets of New York and I feel it’s about time that I write to you and let you know that we need you to get back here and finish what you started. It just hasn’t been the same without you.

After a huge lull period where youth simply gave up and decided to become part of the broken rat race system (we called that the 90s and pretty much carrying on until 2008), we now see a weird cuasi rebellious group raising their voice to speak out against that which is unfair and inherently wrong in society. Well, not really. For some reason, young people no longer raise their voices to speak out against or for something. It’s become a lot simpler… now they “Like” and “Share” things they feel passionate about for around 5 minutes and then it’s on to the next thing.

The face of idealism changes faster than Mitt Romney’s mind. Oh wait, you don’t know who Mitt Romney is. In sum, he’s a pompous asshole who thinks he can oust the current black US president. Yes, if you can believe it, a black guy made it to Penn 1600 and he didn’t do it by way of your pals at the Black Panther Party for Self Defense.

Anyways John, I’m kind of getting off subject here. I was telling you about today’s hope for a better tomorrow. They’re not as lazy as my generation but they are pretty close. But now they have the social media tools to make them build up a cloud of smoke through which they can feel good because they “support” something onerous. Again, the concept of supporting and becoming involved is nothing like when you were around. The movement is virtual in developed and developing countries. The only difference is that where in developing countries social media technology has become a habilitator and facilitator for social movement, in the developed world, it’s made people feel proud about “changing the world” by being couch potatoes and for the most part. doing nothing of real relevance or significance.

We lacked the spirit to raise our voices so we did the inexplicable: we shut up. But hey, at least we were honest about it. Your generation believed in symbols. Mine became a symbol of conformity. The next one copy-pastes symbols on their little bit of virtual reality and feels they’ve stopped the world’s injustices.

They’re ready to be inspired, John. But they need something or someone to inspire them by not trying to sell them a product as opposed to pushing an idea and breaking the boundaries of social awareness. They need you.

And for that matter, your wife needs you BAD. I’m telling you buddy, Yoko has been getting weirder and weirder ever since they came out with that Twitter thing. You know I love you and would never say anything mean to you about your choice of women but it is because I love you that I have to be honest and say: bitch’s gone off the reservation, man.

So you see, you’ve got to figure out a way to get back here and sort these people out (both the youth generation and Yoko). That asswipe Justin Bieber just ain’t cutting it, man.

Talk to you soon,

Arjan

A letter from Mitt Romney – By Andy Borowitz

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Today’s Borowitz Report was so amusing, I had to share it with you. If you like it, I highly recommend suscribing to Andy’s site: http://www.borowitzreport.com/ (Don’t worry, it’s free).

A Letter from Mitt Romney

About My Finances

SOUTH CAROLINA (The Borowitz Report) – Republican presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney has released the following letter to the American people:

Dear American People:

Over the past several days, my personal finances have been distorted into a grotesque caricature by the mainstream media, pundits, and other people who can count.  I am writing to you to set the record straight by explaining my finances in terms the American people can relate to.

Let’s say you bought a bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1982 for $5,000.  A couple of years later, what do you know, you sell that same bottle for $10,000.  So you just made a profit of $5,000 through your own hard work.  How much of that should you pay to the government?  I’d say fifteen percent.

Now let’s say you have a fellow mowing the lawn at your 7,000 square foot home in La Jolla, and he turns out to be an illegal.  You say, “No way, Jose” (Jose is actually his real name) and send him packing.  He doesn’t deserve his full paycheck, since he lied to you in Spanish, but it wouldn’t be fair to give him nothing, either.  So you pay him fifteen percent.

Now let’s pretend the United States of America is like one big restaurant.  Not a fancy restaurant, mind you, but one that only gets two Michelin stars.  And let’s say that you order a meal of Beluga caviar, white truffles and gold shavings, washing it down with your favorite beverage, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1982.  The bill arrives and it’s quite a hefty one for a working stiff who only made $375,000 last year in speaking fees.  (That’s right: minimum wage.) So when it comes to toting up the bill, how much should I tip the waiter, who in case you’re having trouble following this metaphor is the IRS?  You got it: fifteen percent.

I think I’ve now shown, using these real-life examples that everyone can relate to, that no one should ever pay more than fifteen percent on their taxes.  If you have been paying more than that, you should get rid of your loser accountant pronto.  That’s another thing I have in common with regular Americans: we like firing people.

So – now that I’ve laid it out in simple terms that even you can understand, do you agree that you and Mitt Romney have a whale of a lot more in common than you thought?  I’ll bet you ten grand you do.

Au revoir,

Mitt